So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
