Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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