Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
