i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think i have two assholes
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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