We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
