did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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