Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
