There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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