Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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