so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
