I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
