You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
