11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
