I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
