Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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