My cat gives me a boner
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
