OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That accounts for only three of the penises
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
