just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
