I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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