smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
