i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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