Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
