just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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