why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
