You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
