By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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