My first STD was from a foam party
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
