if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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