Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
