I want to stick my p in your. b.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i dont even know how to be here
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
