Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
