That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it's great music for shaving your balls
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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