She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
