I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
