My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
