Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
