i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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