I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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