Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
