Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
