That's intense
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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