Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
