Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
