I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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