im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
