Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
