Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
