a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
