I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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