Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
