Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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