i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
