8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
