So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
