Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How does one acquire holy water?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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