If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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